Watching my son grow through the years has taught me a lot about myself. We’ve always had special needs in our life but the last few years have been more like a rollercoaster going off the tracks than a leisurely ride through the park. I always knew I was different but growing up I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about it. Hell, I didn’t even KNOW what was wrong with me. I just knew I wasn’t like the other kids. Times were different 25 years ago. We didn’t understand anywhere near like we do now about special needs and mental health.
Now, as I watch my son deal with his ADHD and Tourette’s syndrome, it feels like things are starting to come together for me as well. Through dealing with his issues I’m gaining a great understanding about myself and why I am the way I am. My afflictions are what they are. They’re labels. But you don’t have to let them define your life. Yes, I have ADD and depression. I’m pretty sure I have tic disorder and am an Aspie. But I don’t let them rule me most days. I use the knowledge that I gain and make a decision to deal with the issues and try to make things work for me in the best way I know how.
I use that same thought process with my son. I can only imagine how things are inside his head. The daily struggles that he puts up with and the sense of self-worth, that as a teenager, is already in flux. Add the disability and the mental health issues and it’s just a powder keg waiting to explode. Some days it does and the clean up process is hard for both of us mentally, but we do it. Because there is no other alternative than to soldier on. I want my son to lead a productive life and be an asset to society, so I help him the best way I know how. I use my own life experience and tell myself I don’t want him to take 36 years to figure out how he works. What his limitations are. I want it to be easier for him. Isn’t that what all parents want? We want better for our kids.
Maybe it’s easier for me to be understanding since I am kind of coming from the same place. I know a little bit how he feels and that does make it easier to be sympathetic to his plight. I don’t like to be an enabler though. They are not an excuse. They are merely a roadblock that you have to find a way around and to overcome. Some are easier than others and you have to lean on friends and family with others. It’s a constantly evolving process that keeps you on your toes and when you don’t like change…well it can piss you off sometimes. But in the end, I don’t have a choice. I have to do it for him.
I never thought that being a parent would be this hard or this rewarding. When you’re a kid you don’t think about all the bad things you have to go through. Everything is sunshine and roses. When you’re an adult you find that some days are cloudy and sometimes your rosebush might have a few bugs. It’s learning to adapt to those nuisances and finding the rainbow despite them that makes everything worthwhile. Sometimes, we have to make our own sunshine and roses.
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